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Tips for Divorcees Entering Second Marriages

If you’ve been divorced before and are thinking about getting married again, you may be facing advice and questions from everyone in your life. What is your potential spouse’s family like? What is your potential spouse’s financial situation? Has your potential spouse been previously divorced before and/or does (s)he have children? What can be even more stressful is when people are quick to point out that second marriages are highly like to end in divorce or that you are choosing to marry someone who is remarkably like your ex.

However, regardless of the flack you may receive for contemplating a second marriage, taking a leap of faith to marry again may be the right choice for you, and – believe it or not – divorce attorneys are far happier to see people succeed in remarrying and enjoying a happy relationship. If you are considering remarrying, here are some helpful tips from esteemed marriage counselors regarding what you can do to try to engender a fruitful, lasting second marriage:

  • Watch out for “red flags:” This really involves choosing the right person who does not behave in some of the destructive, abuse or offensive ways that your ex may have. If your ex-spouse had a gambling problem or cheated on you, for example, avoid potential spouses that also have symptoms of such behaviors.
  • Maintain realistic expectations: No relationship is perfect, and its more likely than not that fights will arise at some point in a marriage. It’s important to keep your expectations realistic and remember that you and your spouse will not always be on the same page about everything. Fighting is part of every relationship – it’s how you resolve the bickering that will really count.
  • Try to resolve tension and fights quickly: Holding onto anger and not communicating it to your spouse can cause you (or your spouse) start building up resentment. The longer that such resentment builds, the more likely it is to explode and create irreparable damage to a relationship.
  • Finalize your divorce before you start dating again: Holding onto an ex-spouse can be the cause of huge resentment for any new relationship you start. In a way, it can set up new relationships for failure by sabotaging your ability to have a “fresh start” with a new person. While you are not expected to forget or even care about your ex-spouse, it will be healthier to not keep his/her possessions or pictures scattered around your house.
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